When Fear Becomes Freedom: My Experiencing Moving Across the World
I have been working closely with Jessica for a year and a half now, and it’s changed my life in such an expansive way. Three weeks ago, I moved across the world (from Minnesota to Milan, Italy) for the semester. As someone who had never left the country, except for a brief trip when I was about five years old, in my 21 years of life, this experience ignited something in me I had never felt before. The idea of being surrounded by new people, new food, new culture, and new architecture was exhilarating it was all so new and exciting!
However, the reality of my move was vastly different from the dreams and expectations I had built up in my head. I arrived on a dark, rainy day and had barely settled into my homestay before I broke down in tears. I was so scared, and everything felt so unfamiliar (I didn’t even know how to flush the toilets!) that anxiety completely overtook me. ——I was in a fight-or-flight mode, feeling as though I had lost my place in the world. I was suddenly an outsider, living on the opposite side of the globe from the place I called “home.”
Almost two weeks in, and I was still feeling lost, even regretful of my decision to stay in Milan. Then I had my first call with Jessica since the move, and it was truly one of the most powerful conversations I’ve ever experienced. What I most benefited from this conversation was that in my homesickness and anxiety, I had been refusing to fully accept my emotions. I was so frustrated by the homesickness and by the fact that I wasn’t feeling the joy and excitement I had anticipated. That frustration only amplified the pain, making it harder to cope with reality.
During our conversation, I was reminded of the immense power that is available when I am accepting my emotions. I closed my eyes and said aloud, “I accept that I feel anxious right now,” and “I accept that I miss my family, friends, and boyfriend.” I allowed myself to sit with the emotions that surfaced, and I embraced them as a natural part of me.
This process became a saving grace during my transition to the Italian lifestyle. As humans, we have a natural tendency to avoid “bad” or “negative” emotions while clinging to the “good” or “positive” ones. But when we take life as it is (recognizing it as a rollercoaster of emotions) we take the edge off. It relieves the pressure we place on ourselves to feel a certain way, and it becomes liberating to simply experience whatever emotions arise in the moment.
Along with accepting my emotions, Jessica and I talked about how God/the universe/higher power gives us the experiences we are here to have. This higher power provides us with situations and opportunities that no one else will experience in quite the same way. Why is that? Because you are the only person meant to live and experience your life. A higher power is here to direct and guide you, serving as the leading energy in your life. It’s important to realize that you can’t “do life wrong” because every step of it, every emotion, every challenge, is part of the experience you’re here to have for your unique creative expressions and contributions.