forgiveness

You certainly don’t ever have to trust someone; you don’t have to even forgive them for that matter.  Our hurts are complicated and justified. It’s important that we allow ourselves plenty of time and space to fully feel what we are feeling. It can be especially helpful to journal your experience and or speak with someone you trust to hear you and perhaps offer another perspective, if your open and willing to hear it.

However, when time passes and our hurt surrounding such an incident persists, it is important to take a careful look at what effect our holding on to that pain is having on our own well being. Our emotions, just like our bodies deserve our care and attention. This may include a process of releasing any negative thoughts and heavy burdening stories about this one who has “wronged” us in whatever way.

Sometimes we are more steadfast on “being right” than we are on mending a broken relationship. There comes a point in which it may be of great benefit to ask our self, is holding on to my anger helping me or is this causing me even more pain?

When we can shift our focus on our self and our well being and let others be who they are, we can begin to lessen our hold on expecting perfection from others as well as ourselves, and perhaps begin the process of forgiveness.  Forgiveness happens over time, it begins with the willingness to want to forgive.  Once there is willingness the pain begins to diminish and eventually forgiveness happens.

Consider the following:

• loosening the grip on a need to be right and instead opening up to the possibility of more gentle and kind interactions.
• letting go of needing others to behave in a certain way or for them to be perfect.
• everyone is struggling with something in his or her own life; maybe even hurting for one reason or another.
• Consider for a moment what the other person may be going through and see if this brings a new perspective on the situation
• Another practice that is helpful is taking a moment to write down 4 things that are likeable about the other person.
• Trusting another isn’t necessary to be kind and respectful toward them.  Perhaps this small step can bring more peace and harmony and maybe even create the opportunity for the relationship to heal and become more enjoyable to experience.
• It is your choice and your experience after all.  How would you like for your experience to feel? How can you (as a leader) create and increase your own chances for a more joyful and peaceful situation?

It is especially difficult to continue to live with the anger of betrayal when we are forced to remain within close proximity of another; perhaps sharing a classroom or even living with them; such as a roommate or sibling or step-sibling.  When we wish to disconnect from someone we are close to and continue to share space with regularly we experience the discomfort even more deeply.